My first novel lived for a brief moment and then it died.

RIP Palimpsest. Or - should I publish a second edition myself?

Dear You—

Today is June 11. I received a parcel. A manuscript. The manuscript of my first novel. (The date is important; bear with me!)

So, Henri and I were out in the garden, the surprise of the Scottish sun in our world, and the postman arrived in his red truck to deliver a cardboard box.

I couldn’t remember what new thing I had ordered! I skipped back to my spot on the grass and opened the box.

Inside it was a freshly printed and spiral-bound copy of the original manuscript of my first novel — Palimpsest — which was published in Australia in 2010 by Arcadia, the fiction imprint of the independent Australian Scholarly Publishing.

You see, years ago, the publisher’s assistant and editor had fallen in love with my novel and wanted to publish it. I loved the idea of being published by a small press, and I loved the books they published. I visited them in Melbourne; I was excited. There was money from the Arts Council, and it became a book. I had the perfect book launch at my favourite bookstore in Sydney, Gleebooks, and received some praise in the Australian press.

I had hardly turned the page when Henrietta dribbled on it!

But just before the book had gone to print, the editor moved on to another job. The publisher was working with limited resources and there weren’t any resources for book promo. Back then, I had no idea about the publishing industry and that — like today — I could be the author who goes out in the world to promote their book.

Kindles had been out for a year or so but I didn’t have one; we talked about publishing a digital book but we didn’t. I organised a couple more reading events. No further rights were sold.

Meanwhile, I had relocated back to Sydney after a decade living in Greece and Spain and had ended a significant relationship. Life was a little messy. I went back to teaching and tried to get my life in order again. I started writing again, working on different projects and a postgrad degree in creative writing. Then, I fell in love and started travelling with my new love. I kept putting off writing my next novel. I lost confidence. Maybe.

My novel hardly had much of a life before it disappeared. Died, really. I felt I had let her (my novel) down.

It was like having a ghost baby. A still birth. I don’t know. It was a heartbreak. People would meet me and want to read my novel but it wasn’t available outside of Australia and soon it was “out of print” and no one could buy it and I felt embarrassed about that. I felt like a fraud.

Then a couple of years ago, at a London Writers’ Salon event on self-publishing, I learnt that I could ask for my rights back and explore self-publishing. I emailed the publisher and he was absolutely happy to do that. And wished me well.

Ever since then, I’ve been thinking about doing something with the novel. Just thinking. But also wanting to move forward with a new novel, my MSc, other writing and writing-related work, like my coaching. Why live in the past?

But, this novel — my first — well, I love it, and I really do want to do a little more for it. A new title. A new cover? I’m not sure. It’s on my list. I’ve been meaning to print it out and read it again. See if it even works all these years later. Books have changed so much. Maybe some stories go out of fashion?

So, although my focus until September is the MSc, I found a copy of the manuscript and sent it to the printers. It just felt nice to get that done.

So, back to the garden today. I open the manuscript and start reading. And I am struck by the familiar date on the first page—

The novel begins on June 11. A Wednesday. And today is Wednesday 11 June.

11 11

I will take that to be a good omen. Synchronicity. The universe aligning, giving me a sign. Whatever! If you’ve read Julia Cameron or Elizabeth Gilbert, you’ll know what I mean. 😉

The first page

Thank you, as ever, for reading! Wish us — me and this novel — well. Whatever comes of us! It was nice to have this moment today and to share it with you.

Meet me in the comments section:

Have you ever created something that didn’t make a dent in the world? I’d love to know your story.