Today's meditation touches a nerve that used to be sore earlier in my life, but not so much anymore. I used to fixate on making my mark in the world, on not being forgotten. This was when I harboured dreams of an academic career: I would grab at opportunities, making connections, chasing my own tail. I lived in the mode of 'present struggle, future reward.'
But the alarm of my ailing body finally rang out so loud that it could not be ignored anymore, and brought me willy-nilly to the present. I'm not quite there yet, but over the last five years I have moved on from this. I know that many people will remember me for a time: my compatriots form Kasos; my Greek family and other friends; my Iranian family, old students and friends; my other friends and fellow writers in the UK; and of course my won immediate family. I hope they will remember me as a deeply flawed human who tried to make the best with what she had and who tried to make up for her mistakes near the end of her life.
My legacy - I hope - will be the difference I (may) have made on lives, even if it has been one kind word, or the sharing of an idea that may have helped. I go back to what I wrote yesterday: doing good in the NOW, at every moment.
Thank you again, dear Kathryn, for prompting these grounding reflections.
Sofia mou, it’s been such a privilege to witness your journey. You are wise and brave. And I am proud to call you my friend. I cherish your kindness. 💙
Contemplating on today's meditation, I can’t help but think about how those once remembered are now forgotten, and those who remembered them are gone too. My first thought was...how tragic! How sad! That a human life can mean so little, neither in life nor in death. But here I am, remembering those who came before me, trying to make sense of who I am today, in this moment.
Life is a gift... to be cherished. And death is the transformation of all we've carried...memories, pain, and patterns. To live deeply is an act of courage ... of the heart ... to say that I remember, and that it feels impossible to forget how pain, but also kindness, can shape us and turn into patterns. Some are beautiful, while others need breaking.
Even if I died tomorrow without breaking this cycle of forgetting and repeating, or even having to do another round again, what a horror that would be. I'd prefer to remember today, and with every new beginning, to appreciate that I am alive and not forget those who came before me, in order not to repeat the same old patterns.
I immediately thought of Shelley's poem "Ozymandias," a description of an old sculpture lying in the desert. Its last lines are as follows:
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings.
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colasal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.."
For many years I've used that poem as a reminder that the grandchildren of my grandchildren won't remember Cinny Poppen as a person, or even a name. I'm comfortable with that understanding.
Cinny and I are doing Death Cleaning inspired by the Swedes. Room by room—-letting go of clippings, clothing, photos, 6th grade report card, divorce paperwork……..I look at a photo of myself as a cool tennis teaching pro….. save it for kids….one look and they have the opportunity to toss….save them the bother. O yes, that wonderfully affirming letter about how I officiated a funeral…..I was becoming a funeral specialist….. can’t remember the pastor who wrote…..toss it. G-d this is hard work trying not to be remembered. Must just lean into Marcus and know that I will pass and it really doesn’t matter. Love seeing those empty shelves with empty containers for final move.
My last couple of days have short changed the important work. So busy, so important, building legacy as a wonderful guy. Crap!
The comments have been so good. Thanks to each of you. And Kathryn, you have done it again, THANKS.
I have enjoyed the past 5 days so much, reminds me of the pleasurable days from the first Death Writing course, 3/4 years ago. I have yet to complete all the exercises, so I will be taking more than 7 days, but I will be completing.
Today's meditation touches a nerve that used to be sore earlier in my life, but not so much anymore. I used to fixate on making my mark in the world, on not being forgotten. This was when I harboured dreams of an academic career: I would grab at opportunities, making connections, chasing my own tail. I lived in the mode of 'present struggle, future reward.'
But the alarm of my ailing body finally rang out so loud that it could not be ignored anymore, and brought me willy-nilly to the present. I'm not quite there yet, but over the last five years I have moved on from this. I know that many people will remember me for a time: my compatriots form Kasos; my Greek family and other friends; my Iranian family, old students and friends; my other friends and fellow writers in the UK; and of course my won immediate family. I hope they will remember me as a deeply flawed human who tried to make the best with what she had and who tried to make up for her mistakes near the end of her life.
My legacy - I hope - will be the difference I (may) have made on lives, even if it has been one kind word, or the sharing of an idea that may have helped. I go back to what I wrote yesterday: doing good in the NOW, at every moment.
Thank you again, dear Kathryn, for prompting these grounding reflections.
Sofia mou, it’s been such a privilege to witness your journey. You are wise and brave. And I am proud to call you my friend. I cherish your kindness. 💙
Thank you Katerina mou. Your presence in my life has had a lot to do with all this. I am both proud and grateful for it 💙
How wonderful, thanks KK! 😊
Contemplating on today's meditation, I can’t help but think about how those once remembered are now forgotten, and those who remembered them are gone too. My first thought was...how tragic! How sad! That a human life can mean so little, neither in life nor in death. But here I am, remembering those who came before me, trying to make sense of who I am today, in this moment.
I prefer to remember...knowing that The Past is Myself, as Christabel Bielenberg once said in her memoir: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1255840.The_Past_Is_Myself.
Life is a gift... to be cherished. And death is the transformation of all we've carried...memories, pain, and patterns. To live deeply is an act of courage ... of the heart ... to say that I remember, and that it feels impossible to forget how pain, but also kindness, can shape us and turn into patterns. Some are beautiful, while others need breaking.
Even if I died tomorrow without breaking this cycle of forgetting and repeating, or even having to do another round again, what a horror that would be. I'd prefer to remember today, and with every new beginning, to appreciate that I am alive and not forget those who came before me, in order not to repeat the same old patterns.
Have a lovely sunny day! 🌞
You write so beautifully, DD. It is such a joy to see your comments appear here and to follow your thinking. Wishing you a lovely sunny day too ☀️💙
😊
602850
I immediately thought of Shelley's poem "Ozymandias," a description of an old sculpture lying in the desert. Its last lines are as follows:
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings.
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colasal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.."
For many years I've used that poem as a reminder that the grandchildren of my grandchildren won't remember Cinny Poppen as a person, or even a name. I'm comfortable with that understanding.
Dear Cinny -- Thank you for sharing the poem - I haven't read it in years! Hope you have enjoyed this week. Take good care and stay in touch. 💙
Cinny and I are doing Death Cleaning inspired by the Swedes. Room by room—-letting go of clippings, clothing, photos, 6th grade report card, divorce paperwork……..I look at a photo of myself as a cool tennis teaching pro….. save it for kids….one look and they have the opportunity to toss….save them the bother. O yes, that wonderfully affirming letter about how I officiated a funeral…..I was becoming a funeral specialist….. can’t remember the pastor who wrote…..toss it. G-d this is hard work trying not to be remembered. Must just lean into Marcus and know that I will pass and it really doesn’t matter. Love seeing those empty shelves with empty containers for final move.
My last couple of days have short changed the important work. So busy, so important, building legacy as a wonderful guy. Crap!
The comments have been so good. Thanks to each of you. And Kathryn, you have done it again, THANKS.
Hi Kathryn!
I have enjoyed the past 5 days so much, reminds me of the pleasurable days from the first Death Writing course, 3/4 years ago. I have yet to complete all the exercises, so I will be taking more than 7 days, but I will be completing.
Thanks so much for your efforts.
Brian
Marcus was so sure he’d be forgotten, and yet here we are reading his diary 2000 years later.
I’ll probably be forgotten, but it doesn’t matter. All we can do is live today.
🙏🙏🙏
Hi Marco - my pleasure!